Banned for slapping? Wusses
April 30th, 2008 Roshan Posted in Sport |
I just read on the front page of all my newspapers that Harbhajan Singh has been banned because he slapped/punched Sreesanth. Since they think it’s that important, it must be. I’ll tell you why, it’s because it demonstrates the pussification of Indian sport which is why we’re never at the top of any medals list. We’re doing the wrong thing, you know, Sreesanth got off lightly with just some punching. It’s not sport without a little fighting, some brawling, a few headbutts here and there. See, at least with football or basketball you’re going to watch a sport. The IPL is different. How, you ask?
Well, for starters, the most relevant part is that the TV advertisement promise ‘Fights’. See, that’s fairly unambiguous, they promise you fights and when you get them they take them away. That’s simply not fair. Besides, what’s sport but some abstracted fight. Our sporting contests are proxy wars akin to the duels of legend, except with slightly more people fighting, and slightly lower stakes. With that as my basis I propose the following changes to the IPL:
- No restrictions on verbal abuse. Profanity, curses, insults are all good.
- No restrictions on gesturing or being otherwise insulting, so long as the grounds are undamaged.
- Violence is encouraged if a player is provoked by another performing any of the above. Violence without provocation isn’t acceptable. It’s just not cricket, you know.
- If a player disagrees with the umpire’s decision to mark him out or to mark his target not out, the argument is decided by trial by combat between that player and the other involved. They can use a bat, a ball, or both but no other weapons except what they were born with. Helmets, guards and all that aren’t allowed. One other person can choose to take their place in the duel.
- When the match is over, the victorious team will stand over the broken remains of shields and torn pieces of banners bearing the other team’s ensign while their own anthem plays loudly. The other team will slink away, suitably chastised, and knowing that they suck.
That I would watch. Ah, sweet. I can feel the love.
April 30th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
We already have such a sport. It’s called WWE.
May 1st, 2008 at 1:01 am
But its not real. I would so like to see Harbhajan and sreeshanth get beaten up!
May 1st, 2008 at 9:08 am
WWE is pathetic. It’s like a bad soap opera. This isn’t like WWE, it’ll have cricket, and blackjack and hookers. Actually, forget the cricket and blackjack.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:54 pm
I truly wish Mathew Hayden was the one delivering that slap. What’s the fun in having Indians slap each other? We want something that triggers diplomatic wars between countries.
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Nah Symmo should do the shoulder push he did on the streaker. Only this time it should be either harbhajan or sreeshanth.
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I’m voting for Sreesanth if it’s Hayden delivering.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:46 am
I’ll tell you what ? Let’s beat up the foreign players who are paid and not performing. Lets not beat up each other.
George, I agree with you for most part that people are being too sensitive to a slap and creating an issue out of it.Wusses totally.
But may I suggest you don’t suggest changes to cricket and leave that to people who actually know cricket ;)
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:19 am
Yeah, actually I don’t know why I even said that rest. I was just annoyed with all the fuss over something so trivial. We’ve nearly descended to “Britney broke a fingernail!!! OMG!!”
May 3rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
“Violence is encouraged if a player is provoked by another performing any of the above. Violence without provocation isn’t acceptable.”
Well was Bhajji provoked by Sreesanth? If not then why the hell did he slap (or slugfest as told by Sreesanth) Sreesanth????
I am asking this because of the third point you gave George which I have quoted for you :D
May 3rd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
They haven’t yet applied these rules. When they do, then we’ll think about that. It’s just a matter of time, don’t worry.
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm
@Vinod,
He was provoked simply by the look of Sreesanth. That’s what the Australians say of the Indians anyway.
Match Referee: Why did you beat those two up ? (Pointing to Bhajji and Sreesanth)
Symonds: They provoked me.
Match Referee: By doing what ?
Symonds: What do you mean by doing what ? One guy is wearing a turban. They expect me to bat when he is doing that ? The other guy imitates me all the time. (monkey guestures and all.)
Match Referee: Ah, of course. We have complete evidence now. Make a call to Sharad Pawar. I’ll have 10 million transferrred to let them off.
Symonds: Very well. (Does a lil monkey jig by scratching under his armpits. Bhajji and Sreesanth faint.)
:)
As I have said earlier, there is nothing wrong with a bit of pushing and slapping and all that as long as the players dont want to press charges. It’s ridiculous really. Lets not idiotically name them bad boys of Indian cricket. We need that agression on field.
May 4th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
seriously i dont know wat u r thinking…i think u got disturbed by playing lots pc games.cricket is a gentlemans game and these violence wont be accepted.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I don’t play games, bharath. Gentleman’s game? Oh yes, that explains the cheerleaders. Those girls are destroying Indian culture.
I’ve got to admit that Sreesanth looks funny too, Karthik.
May 6th, 2008 at 12:12 am
Oh George stop talking like Ramadoss!
May 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Anbumani Ramadoss? He says stuff like that? Awesome! I’m a big fan of his.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Yes so is the rest of the nation.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Inclusive of you, apparently. I just read your post on him.
May 6th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Yup